A man’s gotta have dreams and other great opening lines….

The last day of the month would not be complete with out a “highlights” post from my favourite less than savoury individuals.  I for one am hoping that manners and respect are on the top of the list in 2018 for these characters.  December had so many emails of special mention that it was hard to select just a few, so this months post is slightly longer.

In usual fashion put down your drink before you read:

Hello sweetness. Just looking for a good time for some snuggling and some good old fashion pounding as well. Let me know what you think

hmmm, where to start here.  I have a name and don’t respond well to “pet names”, secondly i think you would do well with a teddy bear and some hand lotion as no woman in her right mind would agree to spend time with you.

Hi how are you? Fit, tall, male here, mid 20’s. I know it Isn’t  much notice but im hoping youre up late and available: )

Let’s see here, you email me at 256am and expect that I’m available on short notice, you’re either drunk or you cant read a clearly stated ad – my guess is both and for the record I sleep at night.

Hey just wondering if ya wanna fuck?

Nope cant say that I do, well at least with you anyways.

Wondering about your offers?

Offers? When I receive an email like this I’m always puzzled as to what exactly you are asking as your email had ZERO other content?

Are u up right now ???

Another gem who thinks companions done sleep and are waiting at 136am for their email to come in.

120 fs hh when are you available

Take your 120 and invest in some etiquette classes.

So u in town. 70 for a bj just cause I’m hurtin lol.. And it’s all I can spend.. I’m 30 and ain’t hard to look at

At what point in life did you learn it is okay to insult another by offer 70$.  This is a luxury not a necessity, if you cant afford it – save up or find someone in your budget.

Hi there,

I saw your profile on bp & I think you’re OMG sexy. My goodness I want to date you full time lol of course I know this isn’t a dating app and I also highly doubt you’re single but damn I man’s gotta have dreams


Hi Joe, when I read an email like this I think “run, run fast and don’t look back” its creepy and did not need to be sent.  Stick with POF or maybe e-harmony, however I suggest you work on your approach to sound less creepy.

Hey u keep emailing me I guess u want to meet up. Since u keep bugging I’ll take u up on the offer but your not going to get a penny out of me since ur asking me out. Perfect. When and where do u want to meet

This asshat signed up on my mailing list over a year ago and then 2 weeks ago sent the above email.  All I can say is BLOCKED.

I’ll be sober we in 72 hrs

I have no words

Hi I was wondering how much you would charge to travel?

Your email had zero other content.  Like how about the Who, What , When, Where and Why?

As you can see this month clearly has most of us wondering how these individuals get through day to day life.  They can’t write a complete sentence so one has to wonder how do they communicate and hold down a job in the real world? Here is hoping 2018 will bring much less moronic emails and better communication skills to those who need them.

See you 2017,








3 comments on “A man’s gotta have dreams and other great opening lines….

  1. John

    OMG is this really what you put up with? You haven’t told me half of this shit. Emily, you are an absolute treasure and should be treated as such. You get all the respect and adoration I can give.

  2. Rob

    Yup the “Malakas have certainly been out there this year Emily

  3. Fraser

    lol! Thanks Emm. You keep a smile on my face! You need to write a book!

Leave a reply